pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she peed on how many people?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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