I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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