Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
