What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Randomize
