Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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