i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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