i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
