I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
