i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
