Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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