i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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