Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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