Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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