my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't turn off my feet"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
