her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
