So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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