Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
