After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
