dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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