1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
