I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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