I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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