I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
