the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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