Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
