her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
