I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
