Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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