Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
