Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
