I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
