Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize