She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
