so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
