the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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