I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize