my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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