Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
