I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm at about main and main street
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize