Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
there is glitter all over my balls
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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