You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
