No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
