your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
