drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
