Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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