wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
