What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
