my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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