Moan for me like Helen Keller
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize