maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
