omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
