dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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