I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
