She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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