Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
