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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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