Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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