Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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