You really coming over, don't trick.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
