yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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