You work out of a Hotel?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize