I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
