Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
