I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
