Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
