if you like me you must not know who I am
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
