You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
