in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
