1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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